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To age or not to age
by Leigh K Cunninghamin Everything Else
4 May 2010 | 21 Comments
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I'm 47. My husband turns 50 in September, but this is not a topic for discussion. For his 50th birthday, he would like to travel to a quiet island in the tropics and lament. It seems that while he transitioned like a gentle breeze at 30 and 40, 50 is another matter entirely. I, on the other hand, struggled more with 30 and nothing else subsequently has been a bother, not even the thought of having a big 5 in my age, or 6. At 29, I probably saw turning 30 as a threat, whereas now, aging is a challenge and I refuse to surrender even though it appears to get more difficult with each passing decade. This brings me to the old adage about aging gracefully. In my twenties (1980s), it clearly meant to age without resorting to a face-lift. I recall a discussion on this one morning tea at our law firm. One of the secretaries proudly declared that she would "age gracefully", and mocked those who suggested they would consider plastic surgery at the appropriate time. However, she, "Alice", was also the one who could not wait to get married so that she no longer had to worry about keeping trim. I therefore concluded that "aging gracefully" was an excuse to let oneself go, rather than an unwillingness to resort to plastic surgery. I declared then that I would age disgracefully. This does not mean that I would consider plastic surgery—Jocelyne Wildenstein cured me of that. Ironically, the adage "to age gracefully" seems to have adapted over the decades, and now seems to mean to age with acceptance, a positive spirit, and a will to live a full life. It's about anticipating the changes that are inevitable at some age (different for everyone depending on how you spent the earlier decades it seems), and using that well-earned wisdom, resilience and maturity to deal with it in a positive way. If this is what aging gracefully has come to mean, then I'm on the bandwagon. In contrast, aging disgracefully, given the changing social conditions over the decades, now seems to mean drastic plastic surgery and/or refusing to accept that one should no longer wear a leopard print body suit and hang out at clubs for the twenty somethings. What about you? How do you feel about your older self? What's graceful and disgraceful aging according to you? Regards
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Comments (21)
Leigh:
Perspective is everything. During my young life I lost 3 siblings at early ages. When I reach a birthday, I am grateful. It is a celebration. Simple pleasures for me! Life is good!
8 May 2010, denise krochta, www.denisekrochta.com
Very insightful, Kev. I find it fascinating to note how and when people suffer their crisis of self (hopefully just the one per person per life).
My impression is that, for most people, there comes a moment when they are forced to ask themselves, "Is this all there is?" and so embark on a journey to answer the question.
5 May 2010, Leigh K Cunningham, www.leighkcunningham.com
So true, Tara. Age is an attitude - I like that! Sometimes it's a pretty bad attitude.
5 May 2010, Leigh K Cunningham, www.leighkcunningham.com
My wife is always on one diet or another and never seems to get anywhere. When she breaks her diet, of her own free will, it's always my fault. I'm supposed to stop her, but the only time I tried to do this I regretted it. It's frustrating. Guess I'll just have to wait for her to accept herself the way she is, like I do. Women!
5 May 2010, Dave J. Gunther
For me it was forty, something about it really got to me. I felt that I had more years behind me now and less in front. I felt I had achieved nothing and was going nowhere. Like you Leigh I am also 47, well next month I will be.
I think we all hit a crises point in our lives sooner or later, it must be the point where we all see ourselves for what we truly are, vulnerable human beings. We all do so much and work so hard we take everything for granted including our bodies. As we age we start to realise that we are in fact just human, like everybody else when we always thought we were different.
4 May 2010, Kev Webb, http://www.johnnymarsh.net
When it comes to aging gracefully, some days are better than others! In France, women rarely resort to plastic surgery, much less the extreme versions seen ruining the faces in Hollywood. But I have seen many French women who cling to short skirts long after it suits them and others who dye their hair obviously fake colours, but don't seem to care. Age is an attitude, n'est pas? :)
4 May 2010, Tara Bradford
Becca, for me, exercise and healthy eating are the key. From my own experiences, when I gain weight, as I do whenever I go on holidays, I also look older. So I try to get to exercise 4-5 times a week. At home, I eat healthy and low-carb, but when on holidays I eat what I like but never, ever binge. I used to do this in my 20s because my diet and exercise regime was so extreme - seems I have matured after all. I've at least worked out that if your diet is reasonable with food you like, you won't binge and that's healthy.
4 May 2010, Leigh K Cunningham, www.leighkcunningham.com
Leigh, how do you plan to keep old age at bay?
Becca
4 May 2010, Becca Rowland
Josh, understand where you're coming from. I've been there, but I can say that as we get older, "moderation" becomes a feasible option and extremes fly out the window, so there is light at the end of that very long tunnel.
4 May 2010, Leigh K Cunningham, www.leighkcunningham.com
I've been married long enough to know you women drive us mad - you're never happy with yourselves. I hate it when my wife and I have a great meal then she ruins it by regretting it the next morning. It's even worse when she's on a diet and depriving herself. Women do not seem to understand moderation.
4 May 2010, Joshua Roebuck
Kat, I love those shows as well, and you're right, if they (the women dressing below their years) think they look great, and are happy, good luck to them!
4 May 2010, Leigh K Cunningham, www.leighkcunningham.com
I don't know so much - I grew up in Australia so every school holidays was spent doused in coconut oil and getting a tan (although I always protected my face). Obviously there are repercussions. Also, my aunty was a "beautician" and gave me my first skin care products/regime when I was 14. Hopefully that might counter the sun exposure.
4 May 2010, Leigh K Cunningham, www.leighkcunningham.com
BTW, Leigh - you do not look 47! You must have a secret you'd like to share with us. If it's easy and doesn't involve killing myself in the gym, I'm up for it!
4 May 2010, Katherine Charles
I so laughed when I read this. I've seen 50+ women wearing body suits with over-plumped red lips and big hair. They do think they look good - they walk with a swagger, so it probably doesn't matter that they're not living in the real world. That's my definition of aging disgracefully - to not make any changes to your wardrobe/makeup in 20+ years.
4 May 2010, Kat Walsh
I love watching TV shows of middle-aged women still dressing as if they are 20. What I don't understand is how their mind is able to convince themselves that they still look good. Some of them get really aggressive with negative feedback.
4 May 2010, Julie Russell
Lucy, I agree - there's nothing more demotivating than being cold. When we lived in Sydney and Melbourne, I practically hibernated during winter - watched TV, ate a lot and consumed a lot of red wine. It is much easier when the weather is warm all year round, well at least it removes one excuse ...
4 May 2010, Leigh K Cunningham, www.leighkcunningham.com
I'd just like to point out that I am NOT "Alice" in the blog, although I do know plenty of girls who think this way. Mind you, they're not happy with themselves but seem powerless to do anything about it.
4 May 2010, Alice Maynard
I think battling the bulge is harder for those of us in cold climates. They say you burn more body fat being cold, but given all the people I know, I'd tend to disagree!
4 May 2010, Lucy Browne-Wilson
*chuckle* Well don't they say guys are less mature than women? So is it any wonder that the pain of aging only hits at 50 and not before? I'm not there yet and I must say, my wife pointing out wrinkles that I can't see makes me laugh. Maybe that'll be me one day although I'll be pointing to a new roll around the love handles.
4 May 2010, Alan Grayshore
I'm still in my 30s but pretty much preoccupied with image so I hit the gym 5 times a week and deprive myself of the good stuff. It's the only way - I don't like the alternative.
4 May 2010, Louisa Carrington
I confess I fall into the "it's too hard and I can't be bothered" basket post kids. They say mothers should make time for themselves to exercise but if there's free time, my feet want to be UP not rotating on a treadmill. I'd call this aging disgracefully.
4 May 2010, Katherine Charles